I've done it again. I've strayed way off course.

One of these days (maybe) (probably not) I will learn to recognize the signs! I will remain steadfast in my determination to live as an artist and a writer. I will honor the commitment of over twelve years I have given to learning and honing the skill and art of photography, and I will pay attention for the signs that send me trotting off down a new and pretty path, when I KNOW in my heart and soul and bones that, though the path I am on may have become hard to travel, the navigational markings seem unfamiliar and the destination is not currently in sight, I KNOW with all of my being that THIS is, indeed, my path.

What keeps happening to me is that I get lost. My compass breaks. (Has this happened to you?) I'm cruising along on my happy little path when all of a sudden the terrain changes. It's thorny and messy, and I begin to get nervous. Wait. This isn't right. This is not my beautiful, happy, creative path!

In a panic, I look around for signs to help me get back on track, and, of course, my brain will find them. It says, "Hey! That path looks beautiful, happy, and creative. Let's go there," and off I go, imagining myself again to be headed in the right direction.

{Next thing I know I've created an entire line of products, built a whole additional website and begun developing a brand, complete with Facebook page, Instagram and Pinterest accounts and a separate email account!}

Wait a minute. Hold on. I think, maybe...  Hmm...I thought this was the right way, but now nothing is recognizable. I think I may have taken a wrong turn back there. Way in the distance I can see my original destination, and NOW I can see that this actually is not my path.  

Will I ever learn? I swear I am THE slowest learner when it comes to myself. That muddy, brambly, kinda scary path WAS MY PATH! When will I stop thinking that my path is always going to be beautiful, happy and creative?

Once again, self-doubt, lack of focus and a handful of excuses have sent me off course. 

This summer, the happy little path (distraction) turned into a new business--Cloud & Cactus--a whole big thing revolving around character illustrations I'd begun drawing for fun. They were meant to be a meditation of sorts--drawing at breakfast or with a cup of coffee, but in the chaos of quarantine, stay-at-home orders and social distancing, illustrated subjects seemed to make sense. I loved those characters and kinda wanted them to have a life outside of my sketchbook, anyway. I had tons of sketches and loads of time, it was still an artistic endeavor, I could use many of the same skills I'd acquired building a photography business, plus feed my Ego... easy, pretty, creative.

I've wandered off my path plenty of times over the years. As always happens, (and one day, if I am truly fortunate, I will remember this) I find a way back to my path. It would just be so nice if I could learn that my path is absolutely going to get dark and messy and hard, but it IS MY PATH, and I have to stay on it. Those other pretty paths are not meant for me, and guess what, if I choose another path, it, too, will sometimes get dark and messy and hard.

It's not always something as mammoth as a global pandemic that causes our paths to become unrecognizable. It can be worries about money or busy schedules, client work or another job, poor health, family struggles or a whole host of internal struggles that muddy our path.

We think, this cannot possibly be my path. When we are on the right path, we envision that things will fall naturally into place. It is, after all, a path I chose. Right? Why oh why would I choose for myself a scary, difficult path? 

Remember that you did not choose a scary, difficult path! You chose a happy, beautiful, and creative path that sometimes gets scary and difficult.

Stay on it. 

You're going the right direction.